Swimming Through Grief

“When all I possess is grief, God be then my treasure.”

Pa,

It’s almost two years since you left. We’ve somehow managed to continue on with life. What a relief. You must already have known that Covid seems like a thing of the past now, what with so many vaccines now readily available to the public. You must have already known about our chaotic elections coming up in less than a month. Honestly, we don’t even know who to vote for because all of the candidates are just ill-equipped and unprepared for the job. You must have already known about the ongoing war between Russia and Ukraine, and how such hostilities plague our news everyday.

Of course you would.

You were always the first to get dibs on the latest news about what’s happening in and out of the country. You were always the one who prompted us on who to vote for every election. You were always the first to tell us about new military developments here and abroad.

All of these little things, I now miss. I thought I was over it, really. I thought I was finally strong enough to talk about you without breaking down. Guess I still am not after all. There are days when I’m happy and thriving, and then suddenly, like tonight, Grief pulls me back to its sea and tries to keep me away from the shore. But unlike the last two years, I’ve finally learned how to swim through it. It took me a while to learn to ride the waves, but I did eventually. There are always unanswered questions in my mind, but all I can do now is trust that when God took you, it was for a reason, a lesson, and for His glory.

We are okay.

We are getting by day after day.

We’re seeing each other more often now.

We are hoping someday we will finally see you again in Heaven. For now, we can only remember you through pictures and videos and – memories.

You will always be missing here, Pa. I love you, I should’ve said that more often.

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